Topic: boundaries

Dear Future Historian,

So.. tomorrow morning, I have a recording about my sunflower lanyard! That's quite exiting. But, as you know by now my dear future Historian.. I am not totally coping lately. I have two assignments due coming Thursday, and I haven't written, but 340 words so far. Also, I have neglected you. And.. you know. When I neglect you that always mean that I neglect myself. Today I had an epiphany. Well, not sure if it counts as epiphany, because Dayna Martin helped me get to that realization.. but still. It was like she was my muse.

Topic: boundaries.

So.. I just was never taught how to do that. All I did was just explain myself and my needs.. and then just wishfully think that other people will respect that. I suppose that's as crazy as if the Great Wall of China was just a drawing of a line on the ground.. and expect that to protect from invasions.

Yet all my life, till now, I was just waiting for other people to.. understand my needs, just by letting them know. And then I spend the rest of the time freaking out because people don't respect my boundaries.

Did I?

I mean. I thought that by letting other people invade my space, I thought I could recognise the ones that I should avoid..

But what's even the point of that? I mean that might work for friends-and even there is crazy, and it can even be unsafe- but for family and work colleagues, people you are stuck with anyway.. How did I even think that that makes any kind of sense?

'It's where you put your sofa, that will determine the path in your living room,' my sister had read in somewhere, when I was a teenager. I thought I understood what that meant then. Even in a robbery, the robber is forced to go around a sofa, or move it. The furniture determines the possible ways to move in a room.

And what did I really act out instead? Let's draw a sofa on the floor, or even better, let's just put a note there, that will say: sofa!

I guess I have to write many entries on that new epiphany, and updates on my progress or something. For now, I'll just tell you about my fight with the Dragon of the vacuum / hover. So, my bean bag had a hole and everything, almost all the little filling stuff, came out!! I managed to save the majority of them, but many were still on the floor. I went to bring the vacuum, with the certainty of 21 century. 'This will be done in 5 minutes,' I thought..

Half a minute later, the vacuum gets something that I will never know, some kind of toy maybe, and blocks!

'Why??!!'

So, I try to unstuck it, but it didn't seem to move at all. So I brought the mop's stick, to get it in the vacuum tube.. to push the 'whatever-it-was. And the stick gets.. stuck!! I was fighting to take it out for at least 20 minutes! At some point I thought 'this must be a dream' (I struggle to distinguish reality from a dream.)

And, after a coffee break of course, I just refused to give up. I would try till I make it, and I wouldn’t give up; I would fight with that dragon, the Dragon of the vacuum.. how exotic!

And it worked!

Imagine if I just stayed there, begging the stick to get out, begging the vacuum to get unstuck, or work somehow..?

Why do I do that with my relationships?

Anyway.. that’s definitely something to write more about.. But the Moon is setting, and I am still in 340 words for uni. So, I have to leave you again my dear future Historian. Hope I manage to get in a routine with you and everything soon. Well.. I guess it’s up to me..

PS. we got a kitten!!