I come from a mixed generations family. My brother is 16 years older; my sister is 14 years older, other sister 8 years older. I am from a second marriage of my mother. My father was 20 when I was born and my mother 40. My children’s father is 7 years younger than me and my partner 17 years older than me. I was 27 and 33 when I had my children. Living in such a mixed environment I never realised the generational gap issue before. For me it was mostly about an unspecified lack of communication. To be honest that is exactly why I had the need to become a writer. I felt no one was listening. But now I think that for my daughter it is a real thing.
I spent the last half an hour trying to find a picture of me, my daughter, and my mum, all three generations in my household. The more recent I found was from my birthday in 2015! We might live in the same house, yet the 'distance' between us keeps getting bigger as my daughter is becoming a teen, or as I am moving to my 4th decade, or cause my mum... hmmm. I see a pattern there!
Why is this happening? And how can we overcome the generational disparities that separates us? They say Love is the bridge that connects everything. Yet none of us in my family questions the love between us. Still the gap seems to grow.
In ancient Greek Cosmology the generational gap is actually the main focus. Uranus had to be overthrown by Kronos, and Kronos by Zeus. Why? Because they refused to step out and give the crown to the next generation.
The basic hero myth is also mostly about how the Hero - having been born in a society that inevitably has been created in and for the past - has to fight the Dragon of Chaos that threatens the kingdom due to the entropy caused by the King’s refusal to update his point of view; in many myths he is missing an eye, representing his focus to the past and his denial to the changes of the Times. But the Hero’s purpose is not fulfilled till he saves the Father-King from the belly of the whale... or something! All these is very confusing and not very clear how any of this can help me communicate with my mum and daughter.
When I became a teenager, I remember that my older sister, with whom we had common friends, did not want to talk about her personal life when I was around, for the very valid (!) reason that I was only her little sister.
In Greece there is a sarcastic saying (I always hated it) that adults use all the time to kids: ‘The fox is 100 years old and the baby fox 110.’ Meaning there is no possible way that younger people might know better than the older generation in any kind of way.
Yet it is clear, if we measure progress in social standards, that each generation has moved humanity to a more... humane world. It has been only a century that women have gain freedom, and only some decades that people have environmental concerns. Think of young Greta Thunberg and her contribution to that.
But I got out of topic. Let’s forget the sociological perspective and go back to family and individuals. Today’s topic on Facebook with other parents discussing that, it seems like the individual differences make much more... difference than the generation labels.
In a world that everyone talks about group identities it is crucial to be able, at least in our own family, to see people as individuals and not as a representative of a faceless group with limited characteristics.
So? How do I use all that to have a better communication? The theory of ‘Love Languages’ might help. Me listening more might help. As for the relationship between my mum and daughter? They don’t even speak the same language anymore. My daughter is raised here in the UK and to my Greek mum English sound Greek to her! (honestly it’s beyond my understanding how my daughter forgot her Greek when we live with my only-greek-speaking mum!)
I wish I could be the bridge between them. But I really have no idea how to do that, or even if I should really worry about it. I can love both though. And I can share my mum’s amazing life stories to my daughter. Maybe love is the bridge that connects us.
Yes, the gap sometimes seems as big as the Abyss. But as we know... ‘If you gaze into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.’ So, I better greed my family’s abyss... and start communicating with it. Maybe then I will realise that I am not the only one in human history that straggles to communicate with people I love. Maybe then I will realise that we actually do communicate our love, and that is all that matters.
Update 02/10/2023
The gap got bigger with the older generations (not intentionally on my part).Thus now, I can focused on the next generations, 'reverse the polarity' as the Doctor (Doctor-who) would say. Since I stopped warshiping the ancestors and I put my energy in my progeny, I feel calmer and more optimistic.
May the ancestors forgive us. May we care more about our kids.
- 'Elementation. Hug a Tree'
- My Blog's content in Print
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