Start over and over again.. and again

Dear future historian,

Some days I feel empty, like all my energy has been used. Like fatigue is stronger than me. These days I've learned to start over, to begin again. 

About 10 years ago, I was living in Thessaloniki, Greece, up on hill, about 30 minutes walking distance from the centre. I frequently took long walks, with my baby girl in a slink. One day I met my mum, went out for a walk in the centre, then went to a play area for quite some time, then started walking up the hill, home. On the way I suddenly realised that it has been more than 6 hours since the last time I ate anything, and the baby hasn't stopped breastfeeding, and I feel like passing out. Half way home I felt like I couldn't make another step. That was as far as my limits can take me.

Inherited guilt

Dear future historian,

Sorry. I had two days of going out for post office, grocery shopping and stuff.. and I just didn't find any time to write to you. This lockdown made me realise how much energy I loose when I go out with a 'to do list' and how happy I am at home. (At least I hugged a Tree.)

I.. how can I tell you that?

Well, just some days before the pandemic was known and the lockdown was a thing I wished to stay home for 6 months. I just felt exhausted, and I could tell that I needed a break.

We are all stories in the end, just make it a good one

Dear future historian,

Today feels weird. Not sure why.

A mix of too much and nothingness, boredom and stress, overload and not enough stimulation.

It took me like forever to make an add on Facebook for my book. Then I spend some time contemplating on how unrelated you are, my dear future historian, with my book, and how confusing it might be for my Facebook page visitors to see my letters to you, when my 'buy now' button is a mindfulness book. And after that most of my 'free-time' was spend on 'kitchen trips' in search for snacks -that I ending up not eating, because I get anorexic when I'm stressed- and some ADHDing (as I use to call that, like going up and down for no specific reason.) In general, a lot of disappointment on my self and a lot of doubt on my life's and marketing's skills.