Adulting (and support network)

Dear future historian,

Bitter sweet today (29/07/2020).. My only 3 friends in the city are leaving. 'Party' night, but with the separation sadness. It's not that I am alone, I have my mum and my kids, but it's nice to have a wide support network. And now my friends will leave, and it's not like the pandemic leaves many opportunities to meet new people. So, now I have no one nearby to have a 'socially-distance' meeting.. only FB** calls.

Most of my friends are in the sea side in Greece and I hate them anyway.  😛

I would be in Greece too now, we had plain tickets for a trip to Thessaloniki. We cancelled after the lockdown. We live in weird times. Yet, as humans, what we do best is to adapt. And we will. And life will go on. Hopefully with us.

'The ultimate Truth' Short story

‘What it would take you to believe that you have found the ultimate Truth?’ His interlocutor asked our protagonist.

That was the stupidest question he ever heard, he thought. Yet, his initial impression, of the obviousness he thought the answer had, faded away when he couldn’t find any words to form it.

‘Well, everyone’, he heard himself say, without being sure of what his next sentence would be, ‘has different standards to that question, influenced by their character, their environment and their experiences. No one can really be objective. I don’t even trust what would convince me as the ultimate Truth. In order to really make a believer out of me, I have to have multiple people’s accounts; people that I will know every little detail about them.’

My self-diagnosis notes

Dear future historian,

I decided to take the risk and announce that I will try -just try for now- to write every other day, actually every even number date of the calendar, at least by midnight. At least till uni starts.

Today I thought to share with you the list that I mentioned** I did, b4* my diagnosis, of 'why I think I am autistic.' 

Post-diagnosis (the official one) is a time for re-telling -without any doubt anymore- my whole life's story for me now, so I am in a reading-old-files/diaries mode.

Existential terror crises

Dear future historian,

 

24/07/2020

1:41pm

I am having a small existential terror crisis, Steven-Fryed induced, bless him. So, remember the ‘Victorian secrets?’ Apparently, the Spiritual movement started as a ripple effect, by some ‘Fox sisters,’ that fraud people using.. sound effects (!) to convince ppl* they communicate with ghosts. So.. you know, then YouTube algorithm suggested Fry's documentary, that he speaks about being bipolar and gives a brief description of how the manic episodes manifest differently on each person; in some it can be something like a religious fever, or god-syndrome, or.. spirituality obsession. Then Sam Harris in a podcast the other day talked about fraud-gurus..

Post-diagnosis

Dear future historian,

There is a tiny numbness, after my diagnoses. But it is not caused by it. Quite the opposite. I feel like if the un-officiality of my self-diagnosis (not to mention the years of ignorance b4* that,) had deeply affected my understanding of myself and my needs.

Many people don’t understand the reason to seek a piece of paper to make it official. Others don’t even understand why someone would get to the trouble of research to self-diagnose. And all reactions are valid. I am only sharing my story, in the hope to help create, for you my dear future historian, a more inclusive world.

Intergalactic cable, or penguins?

Dear future historian,

 

My need to dedicate my journals to.. someone, started in my teens. I was raised in a born-again Christian family, and it was not a matter of debate whether there is any kind of privacy at all, even in my head. Both God and the devil supposed to have my brain's passwords or something, and I would have to be judged, or at least forgiven, for each thought that had questionable motives.

Thus my thoughts had a feeling of.. how do we see in the movies these interrogation rooms with the double mirror, that’s glass from the other side? And I always thought it looked silly when people used it as a mirror, as if they didn't know that they were being watched.

My autism diagnosis is finally official!

Dear Future historian,

It is finally official! Today was my assessment and I can now declare myself as proudly autistic, with a diagnosis.

Wow! About 3 years in a w8ing* list, 2 years before that till I actually take the courage to get in that list, and b4** that 34 years of ignorance.. of not knowing why I am so different from most people, and so similar to a few.