Intergalactic cable, or penguins?

Dear future historian,

 

My need to dedicate my journals to.. someone, started in my teens. I was raised in a born-again Christian family, and it was not a matter of debate whether there is any kind of privacy at all, even in my head. Both God and the devil supposed to have my brain's passwords or something, and I would have to be judged, or at least forgiven, for each thought that had questionable motives.

Thus my thoughts had a feeling of.. how do we see in the movies these interrogation rooms with the double mirror, that’s glass from the other side? And I always thought it looked silly when people used it as a mirror, as if they didn't know that they were being watched.

So, both in my head, as in my journals, I was having a one-way-endless conversation going on. I noticed that my peers at church wasn't as affected by the information that God is omniscient. But there was no way an information like that can be easily forgotten by me, not even for a second. (Not sure, but I think autistic people are more likely to apply information into any aspect that this information can be applied.)

Leaving Christianity, in my 20s left a big, vast, emptiness in my head. Was no one even listening, after all? All these amazing ideas that I never note down and I forgot.. no one heard that? Lost forever in the debatable-existence akashic records?

After the first existential crisis, and 2 years of therapy, I decided that, as a writer I should take my head in my.. hands! If an audience is what I need to fill the emptiness, then I can just make up one for myself, to replace the fictional friends that where now fading.

I decided that my life is a Truman show, but an alien one! Something like the intergalactic TV in Rick and Morty. https://youtu.be/gbzLazSOFa0 With the hope that my audience won't change the channel, more like Jim Carrey's Truman show audience. https://youtu.be/l7X0Yae2hLk

But as the years past I had to convince myself with something more.. convincing! BBC4 history broadcasts and my Arts and humanities studies now at Uni made one thing clear. Any surviving old journal will be read by.. dear future historians! And this is where you come, my dearest future historian. Taking the place (in my head) of Gods, demons and aliens. And I am glad that you do exist.

There was one more though, in the list of my privacy’s hackers. When I was a teen, apart from the supernatural audience, me and my best friend had come up with another crazy idea. We where in the ‘90s, and the tele then talked about phone-lines being spied. So we thought that if they randomly hear some conversations, and our calls where one of them.. then for sure (yes, we were actually convinced) the one that listened to us, will request to work on our calls again. We were interesting, and kind, and we even included him in the conversation, addressing him and stuff. So, why wouldn’t he wanna listen to our -endless- calls?

One day we decided that by now he would wanna meet us, but he doesn’t know how to set it up. Taking up on ourselves to put him out of this difficult position, we invited him, in one of these calls, to the theatre, we choose location, day, time.. everything. We waited at the lobby till it was time for the play to begin, but not long after we got in, we heard a commotion at the lobby. It seamed as someone was been kicked out or something. We suddenly realised that it was a terrible idea to tell him to get dressed like a penguin and come to meet us in a posh theatre! What if he did come, in his costume, and that’s what we could hear now happening, him taking out for violating the dress code!

Well, we never asked him to come and meet us again. We thought he either didn’t exist, or he did had to go through that theatre insistence, so.. it seemed like a stretch to ask him to come again. In a way, giving him a second chance would make more sense. But I am not so sure that we had thought that through very well. ;-p

I hope you find my lost journals of that time. Or maybe I will find a way somehow to live forever and find them myself.. It would be so solipsistic, if the dear future historian is just me, with a secret identity (well I kind of have to if I am 369!) and it turns out that I am the only historian that will pay any attention to my journals. Like Harry Potter with the protective spell. That he thought it was his dad, but it was just himself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlxxWFENWr8

Anyway.. I’m sleepy. I’ll go have a cuppa.

Goodnight my dear future historian. Stay safe and take care.

P.S.I Someone I don’t know, like a real person.. commented on my yesterday’s entry! Someone is listening. I am not just a ‘quantum potential’, or whatever; someone, non-fictional, is actually listening. Me happy happy writer!

P.S.II Did you read my book yet?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Elementation-Hug-Tree-Lotous-Michalopoulou/dp/B087SHC1MM/ref=sr_1_1?crid=IW25TLWTFKEC&dchild=1&keywords=elementation.+hug+a+tree&qid=1595365939&sprefix=elementat%2Caps%2C164&sr=8-1

Cheers