Solipsistic pasta

Dear future historian,

Not much today. Family time. Listening to podcasts while washing dishes and doing the laundry.

Oh, I also spent some time in my uni's philosophy forum. And.. they had a topic about immortality! (I love uni.) Exploring the possibility of getting bored at some point, if you don't die! And only yesterday I was writing to you about Sisyphus. 'Is it getting Solipsistic, or is it just me!' I was also thinking the other day of a kind of pasta that I liked in Greece and that I haven't found it here.. next super market visit.. I found them! 

London, Sisyphus.. and my legs hurt

Dear future historian,

My legs ache so bad..

I walked so much yesterday. And I totally forgot that I haven't walked much after the lock-down. I just assumed my walking skills were waiting for me (and the World) to be ready. So it was kind of a surprise when I woke up today and every step hurts even more than the last one.

'The rent of existence,' like to be alive you can't just 'buy your stats' and then just put them on the side, expecting them to wait for  you, whenever you feel like it (feel like running, waking for miles in a day.. living again among people, etc.)

It's like you need to keep paying rent, or a tax or something, constantly, or the 'stats' are reduced, maybe even taken away.

Poem: If all the MEs

If all the MEs that spend the night alone could meet.. we'd have the best night ever! 

It would be a hot-summer, full-moon, clear-sky night.

We'd talk about ideas, ask for advice, do different things to our hair, watch a movie..

We'd laugh and weep and sing..

If all the MEs ever met.. maybe the World would come to an end.

It would still be a great night though!

And then I'm thinking..

Maybe happiness isn't to have someone every night to spend with..

Maybe happiness is to be in such harmony with your selves.. that if you ever met your YOUs.. it would be the best night ever!

I love the Moon

Dear future historian,

I have to travel to London in 2 days. During a pandemic!

Like, what if the Doctor was coming with the Tardis, and she landed in London during the Black death, or something. 

It's like..

About Short Stories

Dear future historian,

I didn't always appreciated short stories. They left me an uncomfortable feeling, like hearing a song for the first time. I thought that they don't give me enough time to connect with the characters, emotionally, or feel that I have enough evidence to make a certain moral judgment about them.

It was only last year that I realised the ability that short stories have to teach us how to zoom and focus in the moment, in the 'Here and Now.'

Plus I feel lately that I just can't make a long term commitment to a story atm. You see, I always spend a lot of time thinking of the characters and the plot of any novel I read. But now I have to focus on other things, quite a lot of things.

Fighting the Dragon of Chaos

Dear future historian,

I still haven't managed consistency with your letters.. but believe me, I'm trying. I have a test next week and I'm studying. I'll tell you all about it next week. For now I want to focus on anxiety again.

I was watching Jordan Peterson's family update video, that he did some days ago with his daughter, and part of it was his description of severe anxiety attacks and akathisia..

https://youtu.be/qQyhn9DPE00

Dear future historian, day 2.

Start over and over again.. and again

Dear future historian,

Some days I feel empty, like all my energy has been used. Like fatigue is stronger than me. These days I've learned to start over, to begin again. 

About 10 years ago, I was living in Thessaloniki, Greece, up on hill, about 30 minutes walking distance from the centre. I frequently took long walks, with my baby girl in a slink. One day I met my mum, went out for a walk in the centre, then went to a play area for quite some time, then started walking up the hill, home. On the way I suddenly realised that it has been more than 6 hours since the last time I ate anything, and the baby hasn't stopped breastfeeding, and I feel like passing out. Half way home I felt like I couldn't make another step. That was as far as my limits can take me.