Audience participation.
Hats with character names on.
Story: Hello everyone, I am story here for the Lexi-crisis annual Christmas party. I come from time immemorial to share stories like they did back in the day, that united people around the fire.
History: You can’t be from time immemorial, it’s not physically possible.
Story: I see we have a fact checker with us. Everyone this is History and it’s historically proven that he is the biggest party pooper around.
History: That is an opinion, not a fact, I, History, always deal in facts.
Story: Facts are dry.
History: Facts are important.
Story: Facts are boring.
History: Facts make stories valid.
Story: Well scientists change their minds about facts every few years, so what does that say about you?
History: Well, I’m not a scientist, History moves with the times.
Story: Well today is about me. You can just wait in the corner and try to keep your mouth shut. I’ll call you if I need you.
History: Try not exaggerating and twist things to suit your narrative, we know how you love to do that.
Story: Shhhh… Once upon a time there was the Christmas lexicrisis party, as every year, and people were sharing stories around the fireplace. Everyone happy and united.
History: That’s not what happened.
Story: Ok, maybe they had different ideas about what happened in the story.
History: I remember it perfectly.
Story: I’m sure you do.
History: Shall we recreate it? We have a room full of people to help us.
Story: Fine. So, M&S was first to arrive, to set up the Christmas buffet.
History: So, do you have much experience in catering? Don’t tell me that you started at the nativity scene? And which one are you, Mark or Spencer?
M&S: I’m Mark, and we have the best Christmas food in the Uk. This is not just any buffet, this is an M&S buffet.
History: Well, actually, the origin of the buffet can be traced to 16th-century France, where it referred to a "sideboard" furniture piece that displayed food for guests. This concept evolved into the Swedish smorgasbord, a large meal with cold and warm dishes, and the modern all-you-can-eat buffet format was popularized in Las Vegas in the mid-20th century.
(STORY INTERRUPTS)
Story: People want to hear the story, not your nerdy ramblings. They can ask ChatGPT for that later if they like.
History: Some people love facts. (TO AUDIENCE) You sir/madam, do you like my facts? - (RESPOND ACCORDINGLY)
Story: A magnificent buffet, and for the main course, we have the turkey, who isn’t as happy as we’d like her to be, still recovering from grieving her friends from Thanksgiving. Just when she thought she escaped her fate, she ended up on a plate.
History: Turkey, how does it feel to only be relevant two days a year, both involving the slaughter of your species.
Turkey: At least I have a purpose!
Story: Before the turkey could share more about her purpose, a heavily pregnant Mary stumbled into the stable.
History: Your Christmas party is in a stable?
Story: (WISPERING TO HISTORY) It’s just a story. You have to have a nativity at Christmas. (LOUDER TO AUDIENCE) The Angels came…
History: What angels?
Story: 2025 years ago.
History: 2021 years ago, actually.
Story: The angels came down.
History: Supposedly.
Story: There were Shepherds there.
History: That’s more believable.
Story: And 3 wise men with valuable gifts, because it’s always about men and money.
History: If they were so wise, why were they lost?
Story: Getting lost is part of the journey. Haven’t you read the Alchemist, Paulo Coelho?
History: Very ambiguous. No clarity. You’re just made up of stories mush-up; like if you’ve put them in a blender, or an AI.
Story: Anyway, Mary was pregnant with a divine baby.
History: It was just a baby.
Story: A divine baby that when he grew up saved us from eternal damnation.
History: A normal baby that caused the crusades and the witch-hunt.
Story: He at least gave us school holydays.
History: The Pagans had winter holydays as well. Same time of the year.
Story: Remember how we argued regarding the fact that you are a party pooper? You are just proving my point. This story is about hope and love. Not about school breaks.
History: Any teachers here to comment?
Teacher: Actually, I only became a teacher so I won’t have to work in school breaks.
Story is shocked and sits down.
History is laughing.
History: I’m always surprised by your naivety.
Story: I’m always surprised by your cynicism.
History: We are not so different as you think you know, me and you.
Story looks at History in disbelieve.
History: I pretend to be accurate and factual, when in reality I’m only a representation of events. The representation of the winner. And you, you pretend to be a fantasy, a myth given by the Muses, yet... you capture the human condition so much better than me sometimes.
Story: Who didn’t water History’s wine today?
History: It’s the Christmas spirit talking, not the wine.
Story: I thought you didn’t believe in Christmas.
History: That doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate Christmas. It’s a free country.
Story: I think I need some wine now.
History: No, come on. Finish your Christmas story.
Story: I’m not sure I remember the rest. Why don’t we just open another bottle of wine and make a new Christmas narrative.
History: Deal. As long as you don’t get carried away.
Story: Me? Never!
Created By: Lotous. Brett, and Lily (Square Pegs Arts)
Read the previous Lexi-crisis Stories here:
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